Joe came out of the bathroom having returned the basin and put the towels in the bath to soak. Duncan was sitting on the footstool next to the sofa looking worried. As they had worked on cleaning up Methos and the mess in the bathroom neither of them had spoken but now Joe thought it was time to break the silence that stretched between them.
"MacLeod?" He said, his voice cutting through Duncan's thoughts. "Penny for them?"
"Not worth a penny Joe. I don't understand what's going on. I mean that scream made my blood curdle. I'm worried about Methos. He looks like a skeleton. He zones out every five minutes and has the worst nightmares I've ever seen. As for Catriona....."
"Catriona's just fine thank you Duncan." She said as she entered the lounge carrying a large tray with mugs of coffee and plates of warm muffins and croissants. "I found these and figured we could all use something after the day we've had. I hope you don't mind?" She said looking at Joe.
"Absolutely, no problem . Here, put them down." Joe said making room on the coffee table for the tray. "Now supposing you take a seat and tell us exactly what went on just now?"
Catriona set the tray down but began pacing rather than taking a seat. "I'll happily explain everything as far as I can," she said, "but can we please wait for Methos to wake up first?"
"OK," Joe nodded, "I guess we can live with that."
"And when he does wake up, please don't pounce on him and demand explanations." She pleaded. "Allow him some time to ground himself. He'll talk when he's ready OK?"
Before either Joe or Duncan could reply Methos stirred. His eyelids fluttered and he groaned slightly. Then, opening his eyes he gazed curiously about him before moving to sit up.
"Easy Methos." Duncan said, offering him a helping hand. "Take it easy for a moment." He noticed Catriona's warning glance and refrained from making any further comment. Methos hardly looked as if he could hold his head up right now let alone go through a round of questioning
Methos looked at Duncan. "Thanks." He said, his voice sounding hoarse. He leaned back against the sofa with a sigh.
Catriona offered him a mug of coffee and a croissant. He hesitated and then took them from her, draining the mug quickly before eating the croissant with relish.
"More?" Catriona asked.
Methos nodded, his tongue felt thick in his mouth and he was struggling to find words to speak. Noticing this Catriona placed a finger against his lips.
"Shhhh.....plenty of time for talk when you feel a little better. Now eat your croissant," she said, handing him another, " I never saw such a peely wally shilpit of a man before in my life."
In spite of his worries, Duncan grinned at that. It had been many years since he had heard those expressions and he had to admit they described Methos perfectly. Pale and bony..he was that at the best of times, nut even more so now.
Meekly, Methos ate four croissants and a muffin and drank two cups of coffee before he refused any more.
"Enough." He rasped. " I'm full."
"For now then." Catriona said. Then she sat at the other end of the sofa and looked at Methos expectantly, saying nothing. Duncan and Joe following her lead also remained silent.
Finally Methos looked her full in the eye. " I should thank you. I think you saved my sanity. he said."
"Maybe I did." She said. "Tell me what you know...and take your time." She said offering him her hand.
He swallowed heavily, before taking her hand, but unable to hold her gaze he stared off into the middle distance. It was a few minutes before he spoke.
"I Passed out in the bathroom and came to in a nightmare from my past."
Catriona nodded. "And do you remember having had this dream, this nightmare, before?" She asked.
His eyes closed and he took a deep breath. " Not for over four thousand years, but yes I've had it before. I had it every night since I was ten years old. Then it stopped. This was the first time I've had it since then, but I remember it as if it was yesterday."
"When did the dream stop Methos?" She asked him softly.
""When I took my first head." He said, so quietly that it was almost a whisper.
"Why do you think that was?"
He looked her directly in the eye. "Because I felt avenged." He said much more boldly now.
"Because for the first time ever you fought back?" She suggested.
"Yes."
Duncan interrupted. "I thought you said you couldn't remember anything before you took your first head?" He said.
Methos shook his head. " I can't..only fleeting glimpses of things..a muddled mess. Nothing that makes any sense. But this is one thing I do remember, one nightmare I remember so clearly. I just wish I didn't." He stopped abruptly, his voice breaking and he lowered his eyes to the carpet - unable to look at his companions.
"Methos." Catriona gently stroked his hand. " You have nothing to be ashamed of you do know that don't you?"
His eyes filled with tears and he merely nodded, unable to speak.
"You did nothing to invite his advances and nothing that happened was your fault," she insisted, placing one hand on his cheek, "tell me you understand that."
"I am marked.." He said. " He made me promise..I.........he............it was....." He was choking on his own words. "Gods!" He said. "It must have been me. I did it..or else he would have done the same to others too."
Catriona was on the floor kneeling in front of him "No Methos! No!" she had his face in her hands now. "Look at me." She commanded. "You did not initiate anything, the blame belongs to Parinedes and no one else. You weren't the first to fall victim to him. How could you think you were responsible?"
Joe was floundering. "What in God's name are we talking about here?" He asked.
"Methos?" Catriona looked at him questioningly..asking him to explain.
"I can't." He said. "I can't..please Catriona, don't make me."
"I won't make you do anything Methos, but you should talk about this with someone..you need to ..the only way to come to terms with these memories is to face them."
He dropped his head forward and she waited . "All right." He whispered. "But I wish you'd tell them..I don't know how to start."
Catriona looked at him. " If that's what you want I'll tell them, but you leap right in if I forget anything or get anything wrong OK?"
He nodded and waited for her to begin.
She took a deep breath and turned to face Duncan and Joe, still clutching Methos' hand in hers. Calmly, but with an edge of anger to her voice she related what had happened when, as a young boy just beginning to train as a steward in his master's house, the man sitting beside her had been violated by Parinedes .
Duncan and Joe listened, appalled.
Catriona's anger mounted as she then added. "And this memory, this nightmare, as well as all the others Methos has had since Bordeaux, was called into being by Cassandra. It was her you heard scream. She has manipulated and twisted Methos' past memories to her own ends."
"What ends?" Joe wanted to know...eyeing the wreck of a man stiing on the couch. He barely seemed to be aware of what was going on around him at this moment.
"Vengeance!" Catriona said simply. "You said it yourself Joe. Cassandra hates Methos. She sees this as a legitimate use of her powers and as repayment of a debt she feels Methos owes her."
"She's crazy!" Duncan said. "I know she hates him for what happened to her, but this isn't justice of revenge, it's pure unadulterated spite. She's been trying to drive Methos mad is that what you're saying?"
"It's exactly what I am saying Duncan."
He stood up, suddenly restless. "And she was going to use me to get rid of Methos for her?"
"It would seem so." Catriona agreed.
"The next time I see her she'd better look to her sword." He said, almost snarling in his anger. He would not be used by Cassandra. He refused to be a party to her sick scheming.
A snort made him turn around. Methos sat alittle straighter on the couch and looked at him in disbelief.
""You Mac? You challenge Cassandra, a fight, with swords?"
Duncan could hardly bear to meet the old man's gaze. He was, however, very sure of his decision. "Yes!" He spat out.
"Why? To protect me? Or because she tried to use you?"
"Does it matter why? She deceived me and tried to entrap me, she abused you. I'd say she deserved to pay the price..for either or both of those crimes." Duncan's voice was hard and unforgiving.
"And what price should I pay Duncan? Am I not also guilty?
There was an uneasy silence as Duncan thought through all that he knew of Methos' past. Methos had a point, but he could not bring himself to pass a sentence on the man he had seen suffering in his own private version of hell so recently..a hell revived specifically by a woman who had sougth Duncan's protection in the past..and his love. But then what of Cassandra's suffering? Had she not a just cause for seeking vengeance? Unable to come to a conclusion which judged either Methos or Cassandra as the villain or the vicitm of the piece he slumped back in his seat, not daring to look Methos in the eye.