Cassandra woke a few hours later to see Duncan sitting near Methos and staring moodily out across the water. She rose and went to him, surprised when he seemed not to notice her presence."Duncan?" she said.
He acknowledged her with a rueful smile.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake anyone."
"I couldn't sleep either." she said. "What's bothering you Duncan?"
"I've made a mess of things. I judged people so rigidly, never giving a thought to the fact that they may have found themselves in impossible situations and been forced to make the best of bad choices. What do you think of your 'chosen one' now Cassandra?"
"You're asking the wrong person. I allowed my hatred to overcome my own judgement, because of that I was sloppy in my research. I allowed myself to be swayed by a clear piece of Roman propaganda because it told me what I wanted to believe. I tortured someone because of that, when I am sworn to heal and repair. I can't judge you Duncan, only you can judge your own actions."
She followed his gaze to the sleeping Methos. She remembered the images they had seen of his 'initiation' into the horsemen, the causal cruelty of Caspian, Kronos' amusement at Caspian's actions and Silas giving his 'brother' comfort. She thought back to Bordeaux and grimaced.
"He killed Silas, but he liked Silas. why would he do that for me?"
"Maybe it wasn't about you, or not just about you. I asked him after Bordeaux why he didn't kill Kronos, he said he couldn't judge him because if he decided Kronos deserved to die then he deserved to die also. He still wanted to live, even if he felt he didn't deserved to do so. Perhaps killing Silas was his way of making amends, an apology of sorts. I don't really understand his motivations, even now. Yet still I judged him."
"We all make judgements Duncan. Sometimes we have all the information and sometimes not, but we all make judgements all the same."
"I've made many bad judgements lately, I nearly got Catriona killed because of that, I nearly killed Methos because of that, I misjudged Joe several times and hurt him badly ..."
"We all make mistakes, what is important is that we learn from them and not repeat them. We can't unmake them we can only make amends as best we are able."
Duncan grunted a non committal reply and stretched. His back popped audibly as he released the kinks in his spine.
"I'm going to try and get some more sleep, maybe you should too." he said.
Cassandra placed her hand on his arm.
"Thank you Duncan."
"For what?"
"After all the appalling things I have done in the past few months I wouldn't have blamed you for challenging me."
"I may not have agreed with your methods but I do understand your reasoning Cassandra. As for judging you, isn't that where we came in?"
She patted his arm. "Circular thinking is a sign of a tired mind, we clearly need more sleep. Goodnight Duncan"
She rose and returned to her place next to Gerald who roused only a little and made room for her. Duncan lay down next to Methos and closed his eyes. He had much to say to the older immortal, but right now he needed to clear his mind and sleep.
His movement woke Methos, he felt him stir and sat up again."I'm sorry Methos, forgive me." he said, keeping his voice to whisper.
"Why Duncan?" Methos asked, understanding that the Highlander meant more than an apology for waking him. " None of this was your fault, it was meant to be. Whilst I would have preferred to forego Cassandra's initial ritual perhaps that too was meant to be. Whatever the case is, the facts are that Cassandra and I now have a basis for trying to rebuild our lives, make a fresh start. maybe we can even reach a place where she no longer sees me as an enemy. She has achieved what she wanted. The ceremony Catriona conducted has worked well - at least on us. One can always count on you Highlander for sheer cussedness and a tendency to brood. You are supposed to feel cleaner in mind, body and spirit you know."
Duncan smiled. "You know me," he joked, "always look on the dark side of things."
Methos chuckled. "I suppose it would be too much to expect, even of a soul loss ceremony, that it should change a person's basic nature."
Duncan's smile brightened, if Methos could share a joke and be so relaxed about everything that had occurred then surely there could be no real cause for concern. He glanced again at Catriona and saw with relief that the signs of fatigue and pain were fast fading. Methos placed a hand on his shoulder.
"She''ll be fine Highlander," he said, "though a little tired certainly. It's rare these days to meet so competent a shaman. I owe her much and will do my best to repay her in any way I can."
It occurred to Duncan as he listened to Methos speak that there was something different about his voice. Then it struck him. The hoarse rasping sound that had been present since he'd had the encounter with Duncan's sword blade was gone. The sardonic tones he'd always associated with the enigmatic man were back in full force. As he regarded him carefully he could see that the scar, which had begun to fade to some extent before he'd left for Paris, was now completely invisible.
"How did this heal?" he asked, reaching out to touch the previously damaged area. "And your voice ..."
"All part of the healing process."
"You mean the ceremony healed this?" Duncan asked.
"It did, and believe me it healed a great deal more than that."
"You mean that all that..." he waved his hand at a loss for the moment to find the right words. "All that actually worked in the physical world?"
"Why so incredulous Duncan? You were brought up amongst such beliefs and practices, surely you haven't forgotten how your clan healed hurts both physical and spiritual? Or the shape shifting abilities of some healers and seers?"
Duncan looked at Cassandra, now sleeping on the opposite side of the circle. He remembered the first time he saw her when he was a young boy she's been a wolf, and then a woman and he'd known instinctively that the wolf was her. Even so he'd never really come to terms with the fact. it seemed that now he'd have to accept that there really were, as Shakespeare had put it, more things in heaven and earth than were dreamt of in his philosophy. He grinned at Methos.
"I've always been a bit slow to learn new things, but once I've been hit over the head a few times I start to catch on."
"Well thank the gods for small mercies," Methos said dryly, "there maybe hope for the child yet."
Duncan actually blushed. "Ach, I know I'm a mere babe compared to you or Cassandra, but I'm not that bad am I?" He asked.
"Of course not. No one could be that bad," Methos said and leaned forward to ruffle his hair for all the world as if Duncan were a small boy.
Duncan chuckled and looked at his friend. The severe signs of strain and exhaustion that had dogged him of late were completely gone and there was an unexpected air of shyness in his manner that went along with the teasing. He watched as Methos, aware of his contemplation blushed and dropped his head.
"Methos," he said, "I need to talk to you, but not here. I'd like for you to stay with me for a few days at least when we leave here."
Methos looked at him for a few seconds before and studied his face before he nodded his head in agreement. "I'd like that" he said quietly. "Now get some sleep Highlander. We need to recharge our batteries before we can leave here.
Duncan slid down again to rest next to his friend and this time when he closed his eyes sleep rapidly overtook him.
end of chapter 44.
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